


of lost dreams and a broken promise

by starryline



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Help, M/M, NayuRen Week 2020, Pain, Post-Canon, nayuren week, no beta we die like men, nyrn week, nyrn week 2020, ren loses his voice The Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27739222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryline/pseuds/starryline
Summary: How ironic... the ambition that once guided him had made him lose everything he had ever cherished.
Relationships: Asahi Nayuta/Nanahoshi Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39
Collections: mish writes for nayuren week 2020





	of lost dreams and a broken promise

**Author's Note:**

> this piece is inspired by akaito by mikitoP!! it's a rly great song; i'd appreciate it if you check it out!! https://youtu.be/s6vG9i5e0R4

Back then, he could only dream for this day to come, hopelessly counting the days, unsure if his wishes would be granted. How he longed to reunite with him, who had drifted away, as they were both taken into different directions by their courses in life. The gap wasn’t much at first; a few days without communication was bearable, but as time passed, those days turned to weeks, months, even years… the most of an encounter he’d have were the ads that played in between his videos and the billboards plastered all over the city. Sometimes, it pains him to hear the voice he had always loved, singing the music he had crafted, but there were times, especially right now, when he just couldn’t help but to put their songs in queue as he headed to the park where they planned to meet.

His hand clutched his phone… it was hard to imagine how he was a few minutes away from hearing Nayuta again, more than just from his songs, or interviews, or online lives or whatever; nine years is a painfully long time. When he received the message of his return, Ren _knew that_ amidst his busy schedule, he just _**had**_ to make the time to meet him… However, after things that happened on their ends, he hesitated if it was a good choice to do… A whole flurry of emotions surged as the clock ticked closer to the anticipated plan, sending his heart racing like never before.

Since when was the last time he felt this kind of thrill? Between his usual routine of the legal office and his apartment, nothing else is worth noting, after all. Though they appeared as dull, grayscale scenes at first, it didn’t take long until he got accustomed to watching his everyday scene of train rides and paperworks.

Truly, it was the kind of fate you’d never expect from such a hopeful, dream-chasing vocalist that, accompanied by the radiant music he once delivered, shone so luminously onstage… that was all a distant memory of the past now.

Well, at least some of them can still that dream; after all, Nayuta had finally attained the success he always had eyes on.

_...What if those eyes were on me instea-_

Suddenly, his body lightly collided with that of a stranger’s; the shock caused him to drop the phone he had in hand, while his player paused the song… shame, it was Ignition.

 _“I’m sorr—”_ _**Ah, right.**_

No words came out of him; he couldn’t relay the message, not without his pho—

“Oh, my bad...” The other person apologized as they bent over to pick Ren’s fallen device from the floor. “Here, I’m really sorry.”

Ren lightly shook his head. He kept silent, waving his hands to cue that no harm was done. They dismissed each other after the quick interaction. Ren wasted no time to check on his phone for any possible damage, but what he found instead was a notification.

A text message, to be precise.

Ren’s mouth opened in surprise, but… he was quiet yet again.

> 15:28
> 
> [fr Nayuta-kun]: are you there?
> 
> [fr Nayuta-kun]: sorry, got caught up with things
> 
> 15:29
> 
> [fr Nayuta-kun]: give me 15 mins

Aah, that won’t take too long? Mayhaps… this was fine.

> 15:31
> 
> [to Nayuta-kun]: It’s okay! Take your time!
> 
> [to Nayuta-kun]: I can wait
> 
> 15:33
> 
> [to Nayuta-kun]: ~~I’ve waited this long anyway, a bit more won't hurt i guess~~ (DRAFTED)

He walked to one of the vacant benches to settle down. A hand reached for his chest; he was far from returning to a normal heart rate, and it didn’t help that all kinds of thoughts flooded his mind: _what kind of face would he make when they finally meet? How should he present himself? Does he look okay enough to begin with!?_ The last thought had him quickly running his camera app to give himself a quick check. Ren was greeted by the usual face he didn’t think much of, and perhaps the most prominent feature—his lustrous purple hues that one shone with immense passion—was shielded by the glare of his glasses, made even more dull by the blank look on his face.

A grunt, barely audible, left his lips, just as his fingers unconsciously navigated the device, and their chat box flashed itself on screen before he even realized.

... _Give him time, Ren._

Then again, he had always been just a bit impatient like this, even in the past. He remembered how much the other would complain over the amount of text messages he’d send that his phone practically wouldn’t stop buzzing, and even when they’re together, Ren finds himself constantly gushing over and bothering (he hopes that wasn’t the case) the other ‘til they eventually part ways.

It was those times that they’d talk about a ton of things—well, he ran the conversation most of the time, but it wasn’t like the other didn’t want to hear him talking anyway, despite his usually displeased or irritated look. Ren took that privilege to just **talk** , discussing things like Chou Muchuu Sentai ☆ Star Five or how the other’s performance blew his mind and made his heart skipped a beat; Ren almost had no filter, and even when the other would shut him down, he’d somehow find himself speaking even more after awhile.

He said almost everything he could have told him.

_**...Almost.** _

As the thought lingered in his head, his ringtone went off, almost as if on cue. The caller ID flashed the name that sent him into a fit of panic, as he was about to drop his phone for the second time today. This was short-lived, and he tapped decline as soon as he calmed down.

As much as Ren’s about to meet him, he’s not ready; he simply _can’t_ speak to him.

Unfortunately, the other was just as stubborn as he always was, shooting over another call just as he was rejected, to which Ren had shot down again. The cycle repeated for four, no, five times, and by the next, he was forced to eventually take the call in hopes he’d stop—

“Why were you declining my calls, where _the fuck are you_!?” The person from the other line blared, but he heard something more than the voice generated by his phone… a former vocalist would, indeed, have sharp ears, picking up the source of the faint voice that spoke similarly to the person on call…

...and there he was, from a distance, to his two o’clock.

The white-haired man stood by the entrance of the park, wearing a black leather jacket and ripped jeans that didn’t stray from the fashion he wore nine years ago. A hand was raised to bring the phone to his ear, and from the side, Ren viewed the features bearing a familiar scrunched look that spelled annoyance.

He recognized him in a heartbeat.

_“Nayut—” **Ah.**_

Impulse had taken the best of him, yet he failed to produce any words, and pain quickly surged in him. He was right there, finally, within reach, yet...

_He can’t ever catch up to him anymore._

As if the other felt the presence of the other, he halted his words, the call eventually fell silent. Slowly, the man turned his head to Ren’s direction.

As their eyes met, a tear fell and stained his cheek. That was all he could do—cry—as his body froze, while the other walked towards him. The same, vexed look became much clearer; his eyes locked onto them from behind his spectacles, though the tears were much more of an obstruction.

However, he’d fail to handle the next turn of events, as Nayuta spoke; “Why didn’t you answer me?”

It was in fashion for him to skip formalities like greetings, as if their relationship wasn’t past that point to begin with. Eventually, they were within conversational distance soon enough, and all that was missing were an exchange of words.

“...Oi, Nanahoshi,” Nayuta called after a few moments of silence while observing Ren simply break into tears. “you can stop being emotional; I’m here now.” The last statement was said with a rare kind of gentleness to his voice, that further sent him breaking down.

 _Only now, huh… you sure took your time..._ he thought, although he knew he couldn't tell him that, _even if he wanted to._ All he could do was… cry. Was it from joy? Of course; there were all the reasons to be happy with his return. But was it the only reason…?

“Nanahoshi, that’s enough...” He said with the slightly-angered tone he was familiar with. “You’re always so dumb; talk to me, why won’t you.”

 _I **can’t**. T_he excessive sobbing was beginning to make it hard to breathe, but at this point, he couldn’t control himself anymore. The more he tried to wipe his tears, the more they kept coming.

…Aah, he was already a mess seconds into their meeting. How dumb of him, indeed.

“...Tch, Nanahoshi!” His voice was now more demanding, as Nayuta took him by one of his wrists rather roughly. The shock of his actions made him meet his gaze wide-eyed, and seeing his face so close hit him with the reality;

He’s actually here with him.

He didn’t know what to do, and thus was left frozen in place, staring right into him as if he could see his soul from his eyes. That almost seemed to be the case—his sharp gaze simply didn’t fail to pierce right through him. Ren was practically drowning in the other’s presence.

“Stop overthinking or whatever.” Nayuta’s voice was low, eyes narrowing to observe the other closely. “...I’m here, alright? Now talk.”

 _ **Talk**_ **.** _God_ did he want to do just that so badly. Knowing Ren, he would have already spilled one too many words over the surge of emotions he’s experiencing, but…

...he could only snatch his wrist back from his grip, and quickly went typing on his phone. What he had written, his voice spoke with the device that played back his text:

> “I’m sorry, Nayuta-kun.”

Sorry…? What for? And what was that even about—making his phone do the talking? Confusion was practically written across his unamused face.

“Hah? Nanahoshi, I’m not messing around.” He strictly spoke with a growl; perhaps the other’s attitude pissed him off to an extent. Nayuta was feeling emotions himself, but he was never good at expressing any of it. At most, his physical gestures had shown his longing for the other. He was hoping Nanahoshi would try and run this conversation better, like how he always does, but not when he’s become a mess to even talk to.

He awaited a response, raising his brow, only to earn barely audible sobs from Ren; his irritation grows. “Did you fucking hear me? Speak!”

For him to wish for the other to talk… was a sign of desperation from Nayuta. Never can one even imagine the vocalist demanding such a thing from Ren; he’d always seemed to find every word that came out of his mouth as an inconvenience.

Ren’s face was painted with faint surprise for the slightest of second over the other’s angry tone, before it quickly relieved into a hurtful smile. His eyes fell to his phone once more, as he let his digits type again;

> “I can’t, Nayuta-kun. I’m sorry.”

There he goes again with an apology; that, plus the pained smile on his face made Nayuta feel an uncomfortable knot in his chest

He had enough.

“The fuck do you mean you’re sorry!? Would you fuckin’ quit apologizing and talk to me!?”

A mix of impatience and a pressing, unknown feeling of worry surged, as Nayuta snatched the other’s phone by force. His voice didn’t dare hide his anger… for a reason he can’t even find any logical reason for, but he vented it all out on Nanahoshi, who didn’t budge; his smile only grew, but _damn_ did it feel _so bad_ to look at it.

Despite that, Ren could only shake his head slowly, almost apologetically. Shortly after, Ren began to raise his hand, curled into a fist, and as it reached chest level, he made rotating motions—.

...the sudden realization soon hit **hard**.

It happened gradually, but Ren was an idiot that justified every red flag as the need to practice harder. He had been so hard on himself, that the constant abuse led to one problem after another—.

Somehow, Nayuta just _knew_ it was this foolishness that led to Ren’s current state.

“...Why?”

His voice was heavy, and the question emerged before he could remember that he’ll never get an answer this way, which further enraged him, causing Nayuta to grab Ren by the shirt with his free hand.

“Why did you let this happen!?”

A mix of frustration and rage carried his words. His teeth clenched as he looked at Ren’s pitiful face; a different kind of tears were now falling. The more he looked at his face, the further it was getting on his nerves.

Ren attempted to reach for the other’s hand in an attempt to take the phone, prompting Nayuta to pull it even further away.

A part of him refused to believe it; there was no way Ren, of all people, could have made this happen. He knew how important singing was to the other vocalist; it seemed impossible that the other would let this worst-case scenario happen. In fact, when Nayuta didn’t hear word from Argonavis while he was abroad, he never thought it was because they’d quit; the idea of it seemed too far-fetched with Ren as one of their members.

Yet here is the man that he had returned for, whom he expected would invite him to sing karaoke within the first few minutes of his meeting, whom he anticipated would greet him ever-so cheerfully with that sweet voice of his, whom he thought would call for his name so dearly the exact same way he would nine years ago… is now struggling to even form words.

“...I’m really… s… sor...ry…”

He said—or at least, what Nayuta made out from the barely audible, hoarse and airy voice in between his sobbing. The pitiful sight made his stomach churn that Nayuta thrashed Ren to the ground, following a click of the tongue.

He could feel his blood boil—it was difficult to explain the rage he felt looking at the sight in front of him. How could Ren let this happen!? It was beyond dumb and reckless of him to let himself reach that point; whatever the reason, he simply can’t forgive him…

Besides, he had a gut feeling… one he didn’t like.

It took a moment to let his head cool down. Eventually, he was in the right mind to return the other’s phone, which Ren immediately took. 

Knowing he had put off an explanation long enough, Ren immediately opened a specific app and typed away. Having been used to the situation for around four years now, he typed the speech in a relatively short amount of time, and with his voice, the phone did the speaking, saying;

> “It started as minor hoarseness and pain, so I simply shrugged it off... but as it got worse, instead of catching a break, I thought I had to work harder. Argonavis eventually forced me to seek medical help after four months, and I learned I had bad vocal cord nodules I had to remove with surgery. It was a success, but I could never get back the old voice I once had. I was advised to rest, but the band insisted on an indefinite hiatus. Out of frustration, I... didn’t rest. Forcing myself to get back to how I was, I ended up upsetting the band, they were forced to cease activity... and during an argument on that matter, I…”

There was a pause… a bit longer than expected; and while the slightly monotone voice from the phone lacked the amount of emotion you’d feel from hearing Ren speak himself, that pause clearly conveyed all that Ren had felt—frustration, sadness, regret; ironic how such silence was able to do just that.

> “...I suffered permanent voice damage.”

The more Nayuta listened to his story further, the more hits in the head he wanted to give to Ren for how ridiculous the turn of events are.

“Are you out of your mind!?” Nayuta growled, unable to control his resentment. “Why!? Why did you let it turn out this way!?”

It hurts. It hurts _so much_ , knowing how much of a fool he was to let the situation get out of hand. It was dumb… how he was blinded by his desperation to catch up, especially when maybe, _just maybe_ …

If he had just said it, nine years ago… would things have changed? These thoughts haunted him in the form of regret, for even if he said it now, it’s not as if anything would change, after all… 

Besides, it would be… better if he could actually _**say**_ it.

Well, no point in beating himself up more—he’s already caused enough pain for Nayuta.

> “...You said you weren’t going to wait; after all, you had the entire world ahead of you. Because of that, I knew I had to improve faster... With you leaving for abroad, and reaching greater stages, the need for me to improve grew stronger. I know I have to train harder, and before I knew it...”

Slowly, Ren got back up on his feet, head lowered in fear of the expression Nayuta made.

> “...I let this happen to myself, because I wasn’t good enough to catch up to your level in time, that you have to leave me behind. I... didn’t want you to go, though; I want to sing with you more, right beside you, though it hurts thinking how unworthy I still am... so even if I ask you to stay, it would be selfish and stupid of me…”

It was then, he only gained the courage to try and meet him in the eye—it was the least he could do. Hiding himself in regret would be much too shameful of him at this point. Thus, he mustered the softest, most sincere smile he could, through a bit of tears yet again, and let the phone do the talking once more.

> “Despite my determination, your advice and expectations, and our promise... look how it ended.
> 
> ...I’m a failure… right, Nayuta-kun?”

_Yes_ , he wanted to say. Ren was an imbecile for reaching this sort of outcome, after Nayuta had been anticipating the day when he was finally freed from the shackles of the ambition that suffocated him.

To rule the world… that was a task he needed to do, after all, as he felt the imperative to prove himself, and such was the only way to do it. For the longest time, this was what was ingrained in him—until Ren made him realize that there could be more to living his life than just that.

Yet the same Ren, who inspired him to dream, to be a bit more blindly hopeful, to let true passion born from the love for the things you do prevail above all else, now fell upon the same fate that he once caged himself in…

“...Where is the place you should stand?”

The question was raised passive-aggressively. Nayuta spoke with the intent demanding an answer, to which Ren found it hard to answer, for reasons beyond his condition.

“...”

“Well? Where?”

> “...On the same stage as Nayut—”

“No. No, you’re not. You know this, Nanahoshi!” Once again, Nayuta failed to hold back his own emotions. “Sing for yourself—that was what you taught me nine years ago! The passion of an idiot who simply wanted to sing with all his heart onstage—where is it!? Where, Nanahoshi Ren!? Show me!”

It was hard to catch, but if one were to inspect very carefully, the faintest of tears were starting to well in Nayuta’s eyes. He knew he wouldn’t gain anything from his demand, no matter how strongly he asked for it, much to his devastation. Then again, he was not one to talk; at the end of the day, he still had the job left to do, albeit there were changes in his approach. It felt as if that happened at the expense of Nanahoshi’s downfall… scratch that—it did hold responsibility for it, as the one that drove Ren to this situation, as the one that he had been desperately hoping to catch up to. Nayuta couldn’t help but to wonder if that could be avoided.

Maybe, just maybe, if Ren had been selfish and asked him to stay… would things have played out differently?

...There was no point pondering about it. He couldn’t even bring himself to think about the “what could have”’s that he had expected for awhile now… the things he hoped could have happened as he was looking forward to this very day.

All of those? Shattered.

Right now, Nayuta felt that he had to do a certain thing, which he barely found the strength he’d need to even utter the words for it.

“...There’s nothing left for us to discuss. I’m leaving.”

A bare gasp left the other’s throat, as Nayuta turned to his heel and started to walk away. Ren’s desperate hand reached for the other’s arm; Nayuta halted, his head turning to meet the other subtly shaking his head.

“...Don’t… g… go…” Ren spoke in the most hurried pace he could; it was clear that there was no time to waste to use his voice bank. He wanted to yell at himself for him pleading for the other’s presence, even if he knew he wasn’t even deserving of it. At the very least, he hoped that maybe… just maybe… there was still a reason for him to stay.

There was. Nayuta had all the reason to—he finally caught a glimpse of a break from the fast-paced life of music he had subjected himself to. There was barely any refuge for him, and for the longest time, the thought of coming back to Nanahoshi served as the thought that allowed him to seek refuge. Now, he didn’t know if that can still be the case, given the guilt that eats him up with every passing second he stays with him.

Once more, Nayuta attempted to gather the strength he’ll need, this time, to pull his head out of Ren’s hold. While it took a bit of a struggle, he freed himself from the grasp… hopefully, he could do so with all other ways he was attached to Nanahoshi.

Nayuta didn’t bother to glance back, the same way Ren was stuck, his body unable to move from a surge of emotions that made him want to drop to the floor. It was only when Nayuta took his third step, that he finally make his body move again, only for him to try and call—

“Nayuta-kun…!”

It was a broken voice; the result of all his “hard work” from the past few years. A result of the emotions he felt for him. He wanted to scream so badly, cursing himself for letting this happen. The same way, he wanted to scream more, and just _beg_ for Nayuta to stay… but he couldn’t.

Nayuta continued to walk away, refusing to look back for two reasons: one, refusing to reveal the tears that are shed from his decision, and two; regretting his negligence, and allowing Ren to fall and suffer the fate that the other saved him from.

And yet, both their feelings and emotions failed to reach each other, as the distance between them continued to grow.

**Author's Note:**

> and here's my final piece for nyrn week 2020 with day 7 prompt's: post-canon!! thanks to everyone that joined me all throughout this journey! while this is my second time participating in a fanweek, it's my first to participate in all seven days, and the very first one i managed, so ty to everyone for allowing to make this happen!! it's a bit unfortunate that i had to end it on a bit of a sad, angsty note (im also in pain dw), but nonetheless i had a lot of fun writing for this ship!! they mean so much to me and im glad im able to do something like this for them!! you'll still catch me writing nyrn things and aaside in general here and there but for now, see you for next year!! take care <33


End file.
